By Nexus
Mar 04, 2019

Blind Date

He’s a lanky lad balls deep in his hoe phase with a flair for talking shit. She’s a sweet, stylish blonde amateur make-up artist. Sounds like a done deal, right?

SHE SAID:
Well, the date went nothing like I was anticipating. A lot better to be exact. After reading last weeks review I was quite sceptical and was so worried shit was gonna hit the fan. But damn it was lit. One of the most adventurous dates I’ve ever had. It included (but wasn’t restricted to) banter, cultural appropriation, racism, naming dead animals, crying, piggyback and supermarket trolley riding, and almost taking a quick dip in the Waikato river without permission.

Gotta say, I was shitting bricks just rocking up to a place meeting some random that I had no idea who they were. Turns out he didn’t even apply for it, he just got asked the day before so I guess he was less prepared than I was. The conversation was very good though, didn’t really go into anything too deep until later in the night but it was constantly flowing. He kept spilling food on himself though and dropping his utensils which I couldn’t help but make fun of him. He kept insulting me cause I suck arse at math while trying to figure out the bill and pretty much all throughout the night.

We ended up having to leave before we got kicked out because he was pretty tipsy and started standing on the stools, I’m surprised I wasn’t more embarrassed tbh. So there our adventure actually begins along the Waikato river, we ended up doing some exploring and we found a possum climbing up some trees and just fucked around until I got a text from my mum saying I needed to come home... talk about a cock block. Nah jk not like that.

But overall, ‘twas a great experience, guess it’s a 50/50 chance of actually having a good time, but thanks Nexus, great choice for my date.

HE SAID:
Well, where do I begin. I rolled up feeling a little bit of nerves, but the 7 drinks/ funnels I smashed beforehand did the trick, and I was as talkative as that ADHD kid I used to bully at school. When I first walked in, I saw my ex girlfriend, sitting there looking at me as I walk past. Awkward but low-key funny. Classic small chat with my date unveiled that she was actually sober. Not drinking. Ew. I just came to sink piss and fuck bitches. She wanted food so she got a steak (hinting for my meat later). It came out that she was actually a mormon who lived with her parents… Hardly somewhere she could take me afterwards. After our meal and my jug of Waikato, we went for a wander down around the river. Unsurprisingly, I ended up back at my own flat, alone. All in all a good date, however she had the chat of a 15 year old virgin boy. Cheers Nexus for the fun time! But maybe give me someone who isn’t a mormon who doesn’t drink next time: they might be a bit more fun.

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