Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
High standards are a positive trait to have, Libra, but perhaps not at this stage in life. Try to stop complaining about literally everything and maybe you’ll be happier.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
The stars have spoken and your secret is out. Yes, you’re a bitch, but acceptance is key! Everyone else is already aware anyway, so keep up the rep.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Beauty and grace encompass you, but be aware of those trying to throw a spanner in the works. Obstacles may be hidden by supportive people; approach paired assignments with caution.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Ever the intellectual, this week may put your wits to the test. Life shall throw you a curveball, so be alert. Our crystal ball says to avoid any situation involving illegal substances or suffer the impending criminal record.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Gratitude is always appreciated, and now may be the time to dish some out. Be sure to show others the appreciation they deserve before everyone realises what a terrible friend you are.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Your hidden competitive nature shall come out to play this celestial period. Be sure to show others how unfit they are for the task at hand by targeting character flaws, and cementing yourself as The Best™.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Your gem of a personality draws people to you, but perhaps work on your inner thoughts. Facial expressions tell all.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
Superiority is an aspiration of yours, but you’re not quite there yet. Avoid bragging and reevaluate your choices in life before advertising how much better you are.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Accept your flaws. We all know you’ll never change, but at least acknowledge your lack of redeeming qualities. Denial just annoys everyone. Except you, obviously.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
As this semester comes to an end, time management will be key. Get your shit together before you fail all your assignments and your group blames you for their declining GPA.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Your fashion is second to none. Hold onto your original style; without it, your personality will land you in with all the other “basic bitches”.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Feeling lots of emotions isn’t a great asset, but having lots of faces is just as undesirable. Perhaps look in the mirror for once – both your faces may need some work.