By Grace Mitchell
Sep 28, 2018

What Does Your Tinder Anthem Say About You?

They say a person’s favourite song says a lot about how good they are in bed. At least, I think that’s the quote. With such limited information on a tinder profile to judge your potential future lovebird by, it can be so stressful deciding which way to swipe. So, fear not; let Nexus impart you with some secret knowledge—gained by lots of swiping and instant generalisations—on how to magically psychoanalyse your Tinder match using just their Spotify anthem song. On a side note, if any of these stereotypes personally offend you, maybe you should try being a little less predictable.

A Drake song

They’re probably reasonably fun, sporty, love to drink, and on top of trends. Likely fairly attractive. Hopefully, this can make up for the fact they’re unoriginal, a bit of a follower, probably not that amazing in bed, and claim ‘C’s get degrees’ on the daily to justify being at uni just for the social life.

Something painfully alternative

Rates themselves too highly but are ‘too humble’ to ever admit it. Chances are they’ve also crafted some contrived shy/damaged aesthetic that’s completely based off a Skins character they had a crush on as a pre-teen.

Heavy Metal

Slightly scary at first impression but, deep down, they’re just insecure. Really into cars and/or motocross. Beware: the amount of aggression in the tune correlates with the depth of their mood swings. Actually prefers Woodstocks, Codys, and Black Hearts on a night out. Probably called Jordan.

Obscure foreign tune

Either genuinely foreign, or just likes to think they’re superior to everyone else. Will probably be holding their camera in at least one of their photos. Has an appreciation for art, culture, coffee, and expensive footwear. Really dug Nexus Erotica.

Something that was played to death on the radio several months ago but is no longer cool

A little behind the times and a bit thick. Has a bad taste in fashion. People laugh at them more than they laugh with them. Rest assured; they have an easygoing personality and a good heart.

Arctic Monkeys or The 1975

A wee bit alty and angsty. Puts effort into making their ‘gram look like their year 11 Tumblr account. Rather narcissistic, but at least their hair looks good. Aspires to be a photographer/musician. Kind of sexy; kind of fucked up.

Anything by Sticky Fingers

A bit of a GC. Good sense of humour and well-liked. Has lots of friends of the opposite gender and acts like a flirt. Constantly going on road-trips and doing other cool things but doesn’t do much self-reflection. Should consider reading a book sometime.

‘90s smash

Bit of a dad/mum type. Makes lame jokes ‘cos they just don’t take themselves too seriously. Hot, but not up themselves, and pretty smart. Mum and Dad would like them. You’d be in for a good time if you can get past them being a bit clueless.

A song with lots of drug references

I hope you like drugs because they’re really into drugs. If you’re not into drugs, avoid them, because they’d only pressure you into doing drugs. Unashamedly uses government money on weed. Check their career plans (they don’t have any). Needs to turn their life around.

An EDM tune

Lives for the raves. Has lots of great drunk stories; if only they could remember them. Literally gets so fucked every single time they drink. The main star on a lot of Snapchat stories. Can’t hold down a relationship too well.

Something sweet and romantic

A bit of a cutie; you can’t help but love them. Super naïve, innocent, and a little basic. Hits you with their emotional problems a bit too early on, and will cry over small things. They have a sensitive soul, but at least they’ll buy you thoughtful gifts. Would marry you.

An original, catchy track with a good beat written by a genuinely talented artist

Absolute. Fucking. Psychopath.

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