As a fourth-year, I’m essentially a mature student. So old that I don’t get asked for ID at House anymore. I’m almost too crusty to get past the bouncers at Bar101 - left to fend for myself somewhere they only pay live music. That is, of course, if I even wanted to go to town anyway.
Town is shit. It’s a sticky cesspool filled with drunk girls being obnoxious and too many lads for my liking. Instead, I gleefully spend my nights alone, sober and binge-watching Netflix. Yes, I’m a bit of a loser, but at least Tinder always has my back. The incessant bass music and sloppy patrons are always the same. You could go to The Bank any weekend and hear the same twenty song setlist from the band playing live music. Really—you could go into any fine Lawrenson establishment and talk to the same kinds of people, eat the same food, and see ol’ mate John in a hi-vis polo. They’re virtually interchangeable.
It’s also sad as shit seeing people older than me trying to hit on those with freshly minted IDs and push-up bras more supportive than StudyLink. Plus, there’s one essential element missing from Hamilton’s nightclubbing scene; a gay club. There used to be a club, Bralais, but that didn’t last. Gay clubs are super necessary; they provide a social scene for queer folk and their allies, raise awareness, and allow queer folk to interact and exercise their (perhaps burgeoning) sexuality. With rumours that The Hood is shutting down, the variety and inclusivity in town is slowly narrowing. Everyone has a bar they feel most comfortable in, even the most town-phobic, and if your inner H-Town sanctum shuts down, then you would feel thoroughly displaced. Perhaps, that’s why I don’t care for town—I haven’t found my “place” in town yet.
In general, I shouldn’t have to spout off reasons why drinking is dangerous for you or why you shouldn’t partake. But you’re at university... kill the brain cells you scrap together to get through early morning lectures.
Getting Constantly Smashed
This one’s a no-brainer (literally); what would the university experience be without crazy drunken tales to regale for the rest of our fleeting existence? Life’s short so fuck it, let’s live. There are numerous sociological benefits I could reel off:
Getting drunk = making, and bonding with mates. Drinking unites us in a way that mineral water could never do.
Memories from drinking are usually the most hilarious and crazy experiences of your life. No one can make a crowd lose their shit laughing by talking about that time you stayed in, studied, and went to bed on time. Do you want some “back in the day” stories to tell or what?
From what we hear, your grades at university don’t matter anyway, so what’s the point in being a Nigel no mates/goody two shoes when all that stress and energy is just wasted anyway? Employers want someone who will be crack up around the office and bring life to the Christmas drinks, hun x
Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of having a forty year old mid-life crisis as I look back on my past and think “man, I could’ve had a way more fun if I’d sank piss and been a free spirit in my youth,” whilst getting burnt out by twenty years of non-stop stress, carrying sub-conscious regret which eventually manifests as marital issues and getting cancer any-fuckin’-way while the most alcohol-and-drug-addled dickheads are still spritely and happy. In short, life would be boring.
Who doesn’t want to embarrass their kids one day by talking about vomiting in other peoples’ tents at festival benders, drinking their weight in beer around Europe, and being able to have wines with the girls/beers with the lads for years to come and laugh about the days we’d drink all night and go to work hungover the next day – basically, for the rest of forever, who wouldn’t want to still feel that sense of goddamn contented giddiness and freedom that comes with God’s gift to mankind; alcohol.
Stop worrying so much you guys, one day we’ll be old and weighed down with responsibility, bills, and asshole kids. For now, let’s the make the bloody most of our youth, because you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do. Live life to the fullest, be as wild and adventurous as if you had a week left to live, and all those other inspirational quotes you get off Pinterest that clearly show the secret to a good life is one that includes loads of piss-ups.